stoned for quite a while this morning. played some games but wasn't in any mood to enjoy it. finished erp (one of the few bright sparks of my day) . left the house at 230 to go to sch for rehearsal and blocking prac. spent around an hour there, did blocking for around half the script. seetow and chee didn't go, and so we wasted half an hour waiting for them. i won't bother to comment.
decided to go for the wake at about 445. realized i was wearing a bright yellow bayley shirt and went to j8 with merrill to buy a suitable black shirt. got cheated by a sign that said $10 (min) 2 pieces. we thought that it meant $10 for 2 pieces, but in the end it was $10 each. merrill (you rock dude) kindly bought one shirt along with me, so that i didn't have to pay so much. =))
took taxi with merrill, brian and his st hilda's friend gabriel (also known as CuttingCircles on eurobattle.net). we laughed and joked throughout the ride, but i felt uneasy and more than a little guilty about laughing before such a solemn event. it is right to do it? would he have wanted us to continue to live our lives the way before? i would like to think so, but i'm really confused.
the wake was solemn, as expected. went in to pay my last respects to him. i felt like no words could do justice to the person he was, someone i respected. i don't like seeing dead bodies. i would prefer my memory to remain untarnished, to remember him for the vibrance and vivacity.
i was really affected when i saw wang. he was really grief stricken, and i didn't know what i could do. nothing i could say or do would help, but these things pass. keep the faith, and keep his memory alive. do justice to him. keep strong, wang. my thoughts are with you as well...
during the wake an incident on monday night occurred to me, one that really filled me with horror. on msn that night, an rg s2 softballer (theng's junior) suddenly came and asked me for his phone number, as she was his mentorship groupmate. i didn't know about the incident then, so i went to add wang to the convo. when she asked, i could sort of see wang's hesitation. back then i didn't know what it was, then wang asked 'why do you need it?'. i was still clueless at this point about what happened earlier in the day. so she explained etcetc and wang gave her the number, but said nothing more. at the time i thought nothing of this hesitancy, the abrupt answers. now i see what an ignorant and unfeeling idiot i have been >< all i can say is that i'm veryveryvery sorry, and i hope for your forgiveness...i understand if its hard, and i can wait.
am feeling very lousy now. and also feeling very tired from grappling with my new printer, who simply refuses to set-up quietly. bah. does disillusionment feel like this?
