Have decided to move blog.

It's been a great year of 2006, but I'd like to start the new year fresh, different from the way I was at the start of this year. If a fresh start is possible, I'd really like to have a real go at it.

So here at is -

indiscriminate-mumblings.blogspot.com

I think a few of you might know this was where I posted my autobiography for the english grade. Haha but I like the name. Though it may be a torture to type. Lol.

Cya there :)

9:28 PM;
I made my mark

Ahh well it's back to early mornings again. Plrrsshh.

Have to wake up at 6 the next 2 mornings if I wanna make it on time for camp. And from what I hear it's gonna be just lectures. O_O

At least I'm gonna go watch Curse of the Golden Flower tmr after it. Haha.

And apparently SYC camp echo is on friday night 7pm O_O Why isn't it after church on Sun! Chances are I'm going, but it's quite a commute from school to BMC. ><



On another note, I don't understand how someone can live at tanah merah mrt and not know where BMC is o.O

lol.

8:05 PM;
I made my mark

I'm increasingly bemused by my computer.

Although at the moment, not that I'm complaining.

After receiving Age of Empires III for a christmas gift (YESYESYES! xD) I set about this morning trying to install it. Some of you probably know that my computer is screwed up, seeing that I can't install things on it without going into safe mode. Well, this morning, I found that it couldn't even install in safe mode, and normal mode was being its usual infuriating self. So I started tinkering around with settings, removing drivers, changing configurations. And not to mention reverting to Last Good Configuration more than 5 times after I horribly screwed my InstallShield up. o.O

After I gave up, and just left the installation (which hanged again) for 10 minutes, suddenly the installation started -_-

Then I installed it, only to find it hang while installing DirectX drivers. -_-

So I had to manually install the drivers by copy pasting, then tikamtikam get it to work. At the moment the game only works from the C:\Programs folder. Well, at least it works. But it sucks alot of power out of my graphic card, so I can only run textures on Medium/High unless I want to continue seeing green blobs flash across my screen constantly. Lousy pixel shaders.

And even more weirdly enough, when I booted up my computer I tried installing Windows Live yet AGAIN. And true enough it didn't work. I wasn't very surprised. What got me more surprised was I tried again, without changing ANY settings, and this time it finally installed o.O

Again, not that I'm complaining.

My computer is weird. At least I've got AOE3 and Windows Live installed. Hahaa.

12:23 PM;
I made my mark

Heh. This is the first time I've been able to actually just sit down at the keyboard, relax, and just think since coming back from Shanghai. (Surprise, surprise)

It's been a refreshing 1 week plus, stolen away from reality. The past few days in particular have been rather unreal, where for once, I can just concentrate on the moment, live for the moment. My biggest concerns have been what christmas presents to get for people. Superficial? Maybe.

But reality has this annoying way of creeping back and biting you on the ass. And so now I find myself being forcefully thrown back into reality, back to school again. The last week of the holidays already? Just how did it pass so quickly?

Time flies while you're having fun.

I've had a wonderful month, and perhaps one of great significance for the rest of my life. VBC, SYC, etc. You know what I want for Christmas? That this moment will never end, that it'll stay December '06. Hah, wishful thinking indeed. No harm in wishing though, is there? Is there?

One thing that struck with me, can't remember who said it though:

The Israelites lived in the past, for its in the past that they see the grace of God in their lives, and that gives them the strength and conviction to walk into the future. I want to live like that. Not to live in the past, but to draw strength from it for the new day ahead. :)

I know my posts don't really make alot of sense, or even sound coherent or in any order, but its just random stuff that spouts out when I'm just letting my fingers run on the keyboard. Bear with me. Haha.

K enough of this. Bye.

10:07 PM;
I made my mark

Nope no post about Shanghai just yet, I haven't transferred to photos over to this computer. It's still sitting pretty on my dad's notebook. It seems increasingly unlikely that I'll ever get to do it this week, considering that after tomorrow I'm off to PSL camp, then CCA resumes. I look with increasing anticipation towards saturday; gah, it feels like the hols are over already. It's like a hangover feeling.

Still can't believe I went for two services today. Haha. And a big THANK YOU goes out to all you people who've given me presents :))

Joanna: the shirt's damn nice! xP

Btw, I realized that my Shanghai trip was really cheap (all things considered). Look at it this way:

Return trip on SIA from Shanghai to Singapore - $1200 per pax

Tour to Shanghai (inc. of trip there and back on SIA, food, accomodation) - $1000 per pax

See! xD

8:02 PM;
I made my mark

I'm baaaacccckkkk....

In time to greet the 150 new messages in my inbox. Work stares me in the face. Reality bites hard.

Shall post about my trip when I've got more free time. As it is, I'm already really sleepy and more than a bit irritated by the quantity of my inbox. But before I forget:

MERRY CHRISTMAS PPL! :)

Goodnight.

11:36 PM;
I made my mark

Kevin Mark Lee you owe me that lunch. Hahaha..

Because of this bugger you see here I wasted 3 hours of my life this morning going for a meeting in school that was canceled. Fantastic start to my day indeed. Yesterday was the wet shoes fiasco, now this. I suspect that tomorrow morning may hold more of the same. I drip with anticipation. Hah.

Whoops haven't finished packing my carry bag. Nevermind. Can't be bothered.

5:26 PM;
I made my mark

At Chee's behest, I shall post. Although about what, I honestly have no idea.

Right.

Tinkering with my blogging style again. I think it looks better like this. Don't you?

Just came back from the trip briefing. I still have no idea why I had to go for it. Nothing imperative that I needed to know (or even wanted to know). Turns out there's another 15-year old guy going for the trip, but have no idea who he is; only saw his parents there. Nevermind, for this trip I shall adopt a 'take things as they come' policy. Although honestly there's no other way to spend a holiday; I mean, who spends their holidays worrying? ...

...Well. Here we go again.



I really don't know sometimes. If you get angry at me right, if there's a valid reason I have absolutely no complaints. But why is it that recently for no reason at all you've barked right into my face? I got quite mad last night, but managed to control myself. Now, I really don't know how to react already. Gahh.

Perhaps why I react the way I do is because I still lack these two qualities: Humility and Meekness. I find it extremely difficult to turn the other cheek when I know or feel I've been wronged. And I simply can't find it within myself to just deny my own pride. Sigh. Lord, help me. I don't like being like this. I need these obstacles to be removed. I need breakthrough. I need breakthrough.

When will it come? Hurry, hurry.

9:51 PM;
I made my mark

2 days until shanghai..hope its an enjoyable trip.

heading to a briefing for the trip in a bit. don't know why i have to show up though.

i had the most retarded start to the day: i woke up intending to go run at 745. got everything ready, heading out alr; opened the door, then realized my only pair of shoes is wet, cos i washed it last night. -.-

shhh don't need to tell me. i know i'm damn jack. -_-"

6:02 PM;
I made my mark

okay yingjie, have unlinked you..will respect your decision for privacy..

in one of those contemplative moods, although about what i have no idea. just thinking in general i guess. introspective maybe. it's been a rather introspective week come to think of it. but, i think these 2 weeks have been the most worthwhile of my whole year. i have absolutely no regrets about the way i've spent the last 2 weeks.

i don't want to remain the immature guy i was. i don't want to succumb to temptation any longer. i don't want to live a life thinking i can make it on my own. indeed; all i need is You, God. and into Your hands, i commit again.



And the world will know Your greatness
You are my God
Jesus I will
Shout Your praise!

11:28 PM;
I made my mark

i'm back from syc!

i think it was a massive time of revival for EVERYONE. it was altar calls every night, and the response was seriously amazing. -nods- i think God really spoke to me during this camp, and i made a promise to God (that for now will remain secret). oh and every night was just CHARGED. so many amazing things happened; for me the biggest highlight was the praying for tongues :) haha i think its such a wonderful gift la, and i'm really really really glad it happened. there was a lot of rededication, making Jesus our FIRST LOVE, breaking ourselves before God; just so amazing. may we be a generation of IMPACT for Christ! i believe :) supercharged for God indeed.

the third night was just so SO AMAZING. the worship session was just so ENERGETIC :) haha running to the back of ROL and back, forming a train and just jumping around uninhibited. and i'll become, even more UNDIGNIFIED than this :) haha and the altar call was just amazing. when pastor joyce called us to the altar, she told us RUN not walk. RUN to God! yah it was really affecting, and we were all annointed with oil, with the mark of the cross. i'd like to think that it will be something that will be seared into me forever, that i'd NEVER forget this night of revival. and the praying for TONGUES. out of the 31 who stepped forward to be prayed for for the gift of tongues, by the end of the session 25 of us received it :) yeah and the only word that can really describe speaking in tongues is EDIFYING. even though i have no idea what i was speaking it really was edifying for the spirit. how alive the word of God still is today :) oh and the 2 hour session extended to 4. WHOA and it didn't even feel like it.

and a BIG THANK YOU goes out to pastor joyce! i think she really delved deep into the heart of God and BMC, cause i could see that her words and message and prayers really resonated deep within every single one of us. the power of God is really at work! :)

haha i found the games fun too! although i came back FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE OBS sunburnt o.O in my WHOLE LIFE i can count the number of times i've been sunburnt on the fingers of one hand.

was abit o.O to be the youngest in camp (at age 15), but the people in my group were really nice! my grp had jansen jolencia justin alex charmaine ivan rachel (is that it? can't rmb) haha and we had a lot of fun. team boulders ftw! the highlight of our grp had to be the lunch out together, went to thai xpress and had a great lunch (soft shell crab xD) and laughing and nonsensing about. heh.

Praise God!

and we'll dance dance dance in the freedom we know

10:36 AM;
I made my mark

i think i'm addicted to blogging.

even though my posts might be less than interesting to read, nvm i'm doing it for my own benefit (:

heh.

i honestly don't know what to expect from syc. partly cos the age group is up till 28? and i bet theres a lot of ppl i dun even know -.- YAMers mostly..nevermind, i'll take it as it comes..

but the one thing that i expect is that God will make this camp a memorable and fulfilling one. i know i won't regret going. :)

seeyou guys on monday!

7:33 PM;
I made my mark

tell u sth. i don't like reading my blog, cos i barely sound coherent in any of my posts -.-

have been out since 1030, going to hanlin's hse. we ate lunch, cursed at the rain, and went to lan. lanned until 4 then i went home. sigh stupit piano lesson.

i wonder what my calling is. i want to serve in ministry, but just where do i belong...maybe God will reveal it to me during SYC. especially with the camp theme as 'Our purpose, in Unity'.

ohyes i'm going for SYC! i finally decided last night. toobad quite a few ppl aren't going. at least ryan is, since he was 50-50 like me since a few weeks ago.

shoutout to all u guys at bangkok: hope u're having fun! takecare :)

6:34 PM;
I made my mark

whoa the Lord really is the Provider. right after yesterday's awful night where i totally went nuts, comes today :)

i had an absolutely magnificent day :) haha i cant stop putting smileys.

give u guys a brief runthrough of my day:

730 - wakeup
740 - head to reservoir
750 - start running
810 - finish my 4.5km run and head home
840 - grab breakfast and bathe
850 - head to church
9 to 11 - give out flyers to estate around church
11 to 1130 - stone in church while waiting for pastorjoel and bernie to come back with our drinks xD
1145-1215 - cycle to tampines stadium from tanahmerah to return adriel's bike for amandabennett
1220-1240 - walk home
1240-140 - stone in front of com and eat lunch
140 to 2 - head to tamp interchange to meet up with jake a.bennet and adriel
2 plus to 3 plus - go to changi chalet
3 plus to 415 - stone in one of the chalet rooms watching amanda go wild over my ngage
415 to 6 - walk around at beach watching jake christen a ?crayfishthingy? joe and his subsequent baptism. and dissection of stingray.
6 to 630 - stone again
630 to 930 - walked around, talked and had dinner with amanda jie and audrey

subsequently, i went home.

HAHA amanda bennett is damn funny! 'eh i'm very girl okay! i got barbie dolls at home leh!'
and adriel's deadpan reply 'then why u cycle bike and play boyish ngage games -.- '
and she calls herself 'pebbles' HAHA. kk im damn bad lol.


aiya the whole day was more fun than it sounds. considering since jyc last year i haven't even talked to jake and adriel -.-

i guess all my insecurities and idiosyncracies of yesterday have been answered :)

God is great!

11:03 PM;
I made my mark

don't ask me why i'm posting so many in one day.

i think writing/typing things down really help me to deal with my thoughts.

hah, i've been thinking alot tonight. about a whole lot of stuff. hah i guess u could tell that from my previous post huh.

i was wondering, just how many true friends do i have? not just people i'm comfortable with, but people that i know that i can do just about anything with, and at the end of it all they'll still accept me for who i am, weaknesses, idiosyncracies and all.

im scared to even answer this question, cos maybe i don't wanna know what the answer is. that i may continue living in ignorance, after all, isnt ignorance bliss?

11:56 PM;
I made my mark

EDIT: the post here looked to me like the crazed rantings of a madman, and i'm feeling loads better today, so hence the EDIT. :))

11:01 PM;
I made my mark

for the record, the 'heh' i put on my tagboard was referring merrill's scream. it just looked...wrong. -.-

haha happyhappy. in 3 days i've got 1 pair of shoes, 1 new bag, and 1 raid of the bargain bin: POP:SOT (!!!!)

haha whoa i was shocked when at robinson's sale at expo i saw this group of games 'buy one get one free'. THEN I SAW PRINCE OF PERSIA: SANDS OF TIME. so i got the game for only 10 freaking bucks. :)) HAHA super worth it pls!

whee im going to run tmr at 7, bathe, then head to church to give out some evangelistic flyers around the area. first time i'm ever doing this type of stuff, and i'm uh quite scared la. i mean for me its difficult enough talking to people that i'm acquaintances with, how am i going to talk to people i'm complete strangers with!

but i guess its in situations like this i'll just hafta submit myself before God and let Him work. its all for His glory, so i have faith in Him. not by my strength but Yours. :)

10:01 PM;
I made my mark

i'm feeling sore all over

and i haven't felt this damn good in ages

ever since i was forced to quit rugby.

haha i shall find solace in running and gyming.

(=

10:52 AM;
I made my mark

i miss vbc. sigh.

i miss the vibrancy of the whole camp.

i miss the people.

i miss the worships.

i miss the fun all of us had, even in preparation for the camp and cleaning up after.

i miss the cold jokes.

i miss just sitting down together and talking.

i miss playing dead in rol.

i miss the spiritual fire that burns so brightly in camp.


what i would give to just go back 1 week in time, to last tuesday. haha. i can say i honestly didn't expect to have so much fun. this may very well have been the best experience of my whole year. i think it certainly was the most worthwhile. i needed something to drag me out from my slump, the spiritual rut i was in. i needed to be dragged away from the many hours i wasted away on the computer doing absolutely nothing worthwhile. i needed to get my perspective back.

I lost my way
yet You never lost faith in me
i was the lost sheep
obstinately remaining aloof
but You the Loving Shepherd;
You waited for me, patiently
never leaving nor forsaking me
despite all i've done.
i don't deserve Your love
yet You gave it all for me.
mold me in Your likeness Lord
help me love You with all my heart, soul and mind.
help me walk with You for the rest of my days
help me keep the faith
help me stay strong in You
now and forevermore
Amen.

12:10 AM;
I made my mark

still feeling the runner's high...

just came back from running around bedok reservoir for the first time since moving over in p5 *guilty*

haha 4.5 km is the longest i've run in more than half a year..last time i ran that much was during training in the beginning of the year. but my timing was passable only, arnd 23 minutes for 4.5 k. i'm damn unfit pls. must go run some more..but it seriously feels damn good after running, although i'm totally breathless. i need to push myself more, i was running less than my 2.4 pace.

random note: gravel is nice to the knees. or maybe it was the squats that i did that i'm told are good for the knee. ohwell whatever works! my knees feel alot better than before.

ok i shall make a promise to myself: by this time next year i will have self-learned how to play the drumset, and play it decently well..judging by my session today i've got a long way to go lol. and the drumensemble pieces that ngoh is teaching us is mad -.0 crossing arms everywhere grr. i need to practice my rolling more too waha. when thomas yinkwan patrick and i were rolling i was slightly off, couldnt keep up lol.


so i shall make a list of what i have made resolutions to do today!

• play drumset well this time next year
• roll faster and steadier asap
• run more
• gym more
• play less com (lol u may be thinking wth, but i really haven't felt like playing the com these few days)
• DO MY QUIET TIME EVERYDAY

lists are good. since they're up here that means i'm compelled to do them right! u ppl remind me of this if i start to slack off xD

7:19 PM;
I made my mark

haha church today was fun. we redid our uh 'sit dead' impression. hah. audrey jo mark lianne joshgoh and i were just stoning in rol and talking nonsense. hehe youtiao ftw man!

no detailed post yet cos at the moment i still have to go and bathe. and ohyes i got new streetsoccer shoes yay! my very first pair. i shall go find pics later. (=





Who Am I
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am.
But because what of youve done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
You told me who I am.
I am yours. I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cuz I am yours.
I am yours.



(= my favourite song (y)

7:45 PM;
I made my mark

COFFEE is the only reason i have survived the past 4 days.

xD

just came back from vbc'06 (=

i don't think that my time in vbc can really be done justice in words. i came into the camp with not much expectations, but God really shattered my preconceptions. i forgot just how fun it was to just sit and play with the kids, be totally uninhibited during worship sessions, as well as bonding together.

(well for the uninitiated vbc is vacationbiblecamp for the p2-p6 kids. as an fler (frontliner which means sec1 onwards) i went there as a helper..)

despite not being a camper itself, i guess even though the activities are generally directed towards the little kids it was really enjoyable nonetheless. especially activities like the water bomb one haha. after getting wet from waist down i just thought what the heck la just get totally drenched =D which i did.

yeah and i got to know alot of ppl better! like jansen, joshua, deb ng and amanda bennett (is tt how u spell it?) who previously i didn't talk to that much. oh and i realize that ryan and i are really alike (= i know u probably won't read this but man i'm glad u're my friend.


i guess why camps are so effective is because they provide an enclosed environment, sealed off from the rest of the world, giving the peace needed to really focus on God. I always feel refreshed, recharged and revived after a camp. its really revival, baby. i needed it alot more than i knew. words really can't do justice to the way i'm feeling now. i'm alive again.

maybe i should have scrapped my other commitments and gone for jyc. i guess i'm kinda regretting it now. sigh. nvm whats over is over. i did what i thought was right at the time, and i hafta live with the decision anyway. (=

OH AND JOANNA U CAME :D haha great to see u after such a long time! the centre of our extended family finally came back!

hoho maybe i'll post abit more about specific stuff in the camp while its still fresh in my mind. post tmr! and sadly my phone still remains camera-less so no photos T_T maybe i can scrounge up some from other ppl lols.








heh ohyes and jie i'll be awake tmr, dun worry. uh but u don't read this right lol. if u do gimme a shout k!

ok damn i just realized theres no coffee at home >_<

early night i guess. church tmr again! =)

8:26 PM;
I made my mark